The Best Man

Here are a few bits and pieces to help you through the lead up to the big day.

A History Lesson
The Best man originated from the days when a groom would kidnap his bride, obviously her farther would not be to happy about this as she was his property and he had expected a nice dowry for her, so the Best man was there to help in a fight should the need arise, then when they got her to the church he was there just in case some of her family decided to try and take her back (that is why the best man stands on the right of the groom, leaving his sword hand free). Obviously to do this job the groom would choose his closes friend, someone he trusted to protect him at all cost and get him and his bride to safety/church, only the best man (fighter) would do.

Accepting the Role
After the initial excitement/shock of being asked you will need to consider the fact that you will be a big part of the wedding and this includes the build up as well as the day itself. When I became a Best Man I was over the moon however I had not realised the effort and commitment needed, so think very hard before committing yourself.

The Role
This really is down to the type of groom you are best man for, some like to take complete charge with little input from their best man, who is only there for the day itself, while other depend on the best man for advice and support through out the build up and on the day itself.

Preparing for the big day
Depending on what size and type of wedding they are having will determine your role, I will run through preparations for a large formal wedding to give you some ideas of what to expect.

The first thing you may get involved in is the planning, the groom may use you to go through some of his ideas to see what you think, also he may go through a list of who he would like to be ushers. It is your job to brief the ushers on their responsibilities and also to attend their fittings,. the outfits are usually chosen groom with advice from you .Making sure if and when all the ushers are available to attend the rehearsal.

You will also have to start thinking about a speech, visit our February Feature on how to deliver the perfect speech.

It is down to you to arrange the Stag Night however consideration must be taken of what sort off a night the groom wants and what would be acceptable to the other guests. It was traditional for the groom to pay for this however it is now more customary for the guest to pay their own way, so giving them an idea of cost will allow them to budget accordingly. It is always a good idea to have stag night a few nights before the wedding allowing time to recover.

Obviously you will be required to attend the rehearsal, also it would be a good idea to check with the location on car parking and special arrangement for photographs. The last wedding I attended, the church had a lovely orchard at the back where they had their photos taken, rather than at the front as normal which came out straight into the cemetery.

Making sure all outfits are collect and complete, and arranging to collect the button holes.

The big day itself.
Well now the big day has arrived and more than likely you are nervous as the groom, however it is your job/duty as best man to make sure all runs smoothly.

Make sure the groom is up and help get him dressed, make sure all is in order, have you got the rings, money for the church fees (some like to pay in advance) travel tickets (honeymoon) passports and suitcases ready for departure.

It is a nice idea to arrive at the venue at least 30 minutes early and a quick call to the brides farther to say your leaving will help things run smoothly.

Collect both your button holes if you have not done so already, quick check on the ushers, is everything ok, have they enough service sheets and pay the church fees.

Now take your place at the front right hand pew while waiting for the bride arrival.

Now you will have to make sure your groom is relaxed and composed (even if you don't feel you are).

The Ceremony
Just before the bride arrives you will be asked to take your place at the front of the church, you will stand on the grooms right hand side. You will be prompted during the service to provide the rings, and at the end you will asked to accompany the chief bridesmaid to witness the signing of the registry.

You will now join the precession out of the church, in front are the Bride and Groom then the brides farther and grooms mother, followed by the grooms farther and the brides mother with you and the chief bridesmaid on your left arm following behind.

Your duties now will shift to helping the photographer, making sure all guest know where they are going, then you and the chief bridesmaid leave straight after the bride and groom and with a bit of luck arrive either just before them or very soon after.

The Reception
Firstly collect all the telegrams and best wishes messages then you may be asked to join the line greeting the guests.

When the meal is finished you may start introducing the speech, invite the brides farther to say a few words, then ask the groom to address his guest which should end with the toasting of the bridesmaids. You will now reply on behalf of the bridesmaids followed by the rest of your speech, finishing by reading out the messages.

Now introduce the cutting of the cake followed by the first dance of the bride and groom, halfway through this is your que to join the dance with the chief bridesmaid.

Now depending on what arrangements have been made you are either getting the newly weds away on there honeymoon or joining in the reception.

So pour yourself a drink and give yourself a big pat on the back.

John